I haven’t the time or inclination to look up whos quote that is, but it really reflects where I am right about this time in my life. Having been sacked 7 months ago, I really need a job, per se, but don’t want the mundane routine of being committed to someone elses ideas or needs. I want to be free to explore my creativity before I look back during my sunset years and mourn for lost youth and freedom.
I have been blog surfing nearly the whole day. because I can. I am sorting fabric bits and paints; trying to figure out how to use 8 kilos of buttons and jewelery pieces, and trying to get my fall out room ready for art; Feng shui or what ever hapends my way. I am opening myself to receive all of the light and influence that has escaped me over the past 12 months. I miss having time to myself and in spite of curtailing spending so that the family living debt does not increase, I still am called to make new gym shoes appear, replace the NEW thinsulate gloves and hats that everyone received last year during one of the coldest winters I can remember in Sweden AND prepare creative tasty and well disguised meals that consist of the same old chicken,beef, pork, pasta and rice or potatoes * 😉 * Once upon a time, I was a 8-5 ‘er in a suit, carpooling and stopping to grab some take away before picking up kids from daycare and or rushing off to Scouts or soccer practice. Today, 4,000 miles away, I wonder if I dreamed all of that and if I was really happier then. I think not.
Today on the blog highlights, I read about some mommies that had started out saying” I would never do/say/make my kids” (fill in the blanks) when I grow up and have some. I laughed while I read it, because we all start out vowing to wash diapers, homemake food and limit tv and babysitters. It was a noble gesture for us as well…then one day, deciding that I valued my husband and sanity, I started to ask the kids for meal suggestions. Then every Wednesday became “every man for himself” ( which is STILL in effect, 15 years later!) where I would make anything that could be done in one pan or pot…now that the kids are older, it just means that they fend for themselves. The 5 year old and The Hubbs are sometimes the exception, but often they can support each other and work out something… Wait!? CAN my kids be growing up????
Anyway, the Twems (twin wanna be men) are turning 18 next year. The Princess just turned 13 and Baby Girl is 5. The Twems and Baby Girl share the same birthday but the countdown to freedom has commensed. My “mommy duty” will decrease by 50%! They will be of legal age here and plan to take advantage of it. They are souping each other up with thoughts of apartments, cars and jobs building and repairing computers or training as EMT’s. It feels good to know that I have almost survived this journey…(as a sidebar: I would not repeat it for all of the smör in Småland (or all the tea in China)) but I know this feeling of euphoria is bogus…They are going no where. They have another year left in high school because we allowed a mentor to tell us that they were “immature” for their age 6 years ago so they were held up a year. Problem was they had come from the American school system, where you begin at 5 versus 7 here in Sweden. I have seldom come across a “mature”5th grader. Unlike some I am not ashamed to say I will be SO glad when my kids grow up and make their way in the world! This is not to say that I do not love them or nurture them, but The Hubbs and I secretly plan for crazy life like installing a jacuzzi or turning one of the bedrooms into a real “guest” room. We envision what life will be like without having to watch Family Guy or Chuck. This year, they are responsible for washing dishes, cutting the lawns; doing their own laundry and earning their “pocket” money by helping out instead of laying about.
It is the dream of freedom that pushes me forward and out of the bed everyday, lol! * music in the background plays softly, ” The Battle Hymn of The Republic”…Glooory, Glory Hallelujah…….