My a.r.c. ( artistic reality check)

The stirrings started last Sunday.  I was up uber early and was listening to a radio station in N.Y.   The format then switched to gospel music and the radio personality was doing an intro regarding a letter someone sent to him for advice on quitting her job and becoming a professional church musician.  He advised her to “just sit still”.   Sometimes the message does not get preceded by a bolt of lightening or a dream.  Sometimes you have to sit still and just “be”… be in the moment, be in the time.  Be in the life.  I then went and looked up the passage he referenced for her.  Normally, I would have just turned the station, but I was caught up in the moment.  I was being still and trying to hear a message that was sounding like it was for me.

I was chatting with someone about my paper collection.  It does not bring me happiness like I thought it would.  My cards, books and pages never came to fruition and the paper stands, collecting dust.  In fact it is a painful and embarrassing reminder about access: which in my case, could surely be called gluttony.   No amount of glue, flowers or tools will improve my “game” until I make a decision to step it up and commit to my art.  How WIDE is it, how tall is it?  Can you put it down with PVC ( just learned that is the Euro term for what we call regular white glue or Elmers 🙂 ) Do I have the “right” scissors, trimmer, paper, paints, brushes…Should I buy a canvas and try that?  How can I get Nat Geo’s when shipping is so cost prohibitive?.. ARE THESE REALLY my THING OR SOMEONE ELSE’S?

I want to create, but I have no clear focus.  Some people can do jewelry, some photographs and or sew.   What do I “do”?   My little one always watches Disney or Nick Jr. and right now, they have brought back Little Bill episodes and Little Bill was asking his parents and siblings ” what is my thing”  I feel like Little Bill.   Hopping from blog to stream to you tube vid.  Trying to find “my thing”.    I thought that having a lot of “stuff” would give me options and expand my journey.  Instead, I think it has thwarted my vision and clouded my judgement.   I bought a camera and it just hangs here collecting dust.  I have nothing to show or demonstrate.  I sometimes feel like a fraud.  I called it fear, but it feels like a lack of faith.  Faith in my self and my talents; which arguably may or may not be there.   I do know that tons of supplies have not made talent  materialize.   But for now,  I am just trying to get the hands to form what the brain has thought of.  I dusted off my bind it all and made a journal:  Affirmations, Ideas and Plans ( I tried PIA, but laughed too hard at the arrangement 😉 )   I needed to make it because I wanted to feel what it would be like to make it start to finish.  I sat for the longest time debating which adhesive to use, which papers…next moment, I was side tracked.  I commanded myself to focus.  BE HERE AND BE STILL.  It was hard, but I did it.  Not to prove a point but to learn to redirect my thoughts and begin to think and art creatively.  My “thing” will always be different.  Some people will not “get it”.  It may not hang on a wall or fit in an album, but I can promise you…I.  Won’t.  Give.  Up. 

Time to show these hands who is in charge and let the brain know, he has been fired as Creative Director.

it has lined paper for writing, cardstock for drawing, envelopes for stashing and space for being.  Also arted with Dar doing a pocket mini.  Glued them both together to one book  Photos below.  W

P is not being nice to me today, lol.

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7 Comments

Filed under bitching and stuff, organized smorganized, Want some cheese with that whine?

7 responses to “My a.r.c. ( artistic reality check)

  1. Cali

    I can empathize with this post – I’ve shopped until I’m sick of shopping and all the things don’t make me any more creative than I was with just a piece of paper and a pen. It’s hard not to want to try all the wonderful techniques and make all the pretty things but in the end that’s all they are…pretty things. Good luck on your journey to find your niche.

  2. Wow! Gina a real reality check! So totally insightful! I love your work! Your journal looks yummy n so ready for writing in! Adore your Dar inspired mini as well!! Happy you are finding focus and YOUR balance!! Go girl!!! Huge hugs! This could not have been an easy post or an easy thought process! Very commendable!!!

  3. Sometimes I think it is too easy to go from blog to blog and end up frustrated instead of inspired. When I’m stuck I find little commitments (like an ATC trade I just joined) help me to focus and also get in the routine of creating. You know I don’t buy much stuff but instead have bins of rubble to play with.

    I like your journal and pat yourself on the back for starting something,

    Darla

  4. This is such a great post. I really like how you listened and then how you shared that with us. You could have just shown us the great journal planner and left out the driving force. I’m glad you didn’t leave out the driving force.

    Maybe it is about “passion”. You definitely have a passion for having the “stuff”. I think you are on the right track with your new planner to discover how this passion grows for you.

  5. Hi, Gina. I’m glad to find your blog from your comment on mine. I admire your honest post here. I think we all feel the same way at times. Fire that brain! Have fun with what you have. Your binder is a wonderful spot to start. And if you need enabling… which I realize is counter productive to your post…. Julie Balzer is having a 30 days/art journaling class online beginning Nov. 1!

  6. Deja Vu! Your sentiments so mirror my own recently. When I was still I came to realize that I have outrageous expectations of myself such as I will do it perfectly the first time (and if I don’t it means I can never do it). How silly of me! Of course it will take practice and the more art I do the closer I will be to finding my way to my style of art. So, when I feel the brain monster in control and I am frozen I just make a decision (which usually involves gluing something down). If it is ugly I can always paint over it, glue something else over it, but at least I am not stuck anymore. This has led to one really truly ugly piece this week, but it also led to one I love. From your photos it seems you found creativity that looks darn good! Hope you love them because I think they’re great books!

  7. Well sister I totally get your frustration. My dining room is my work room. Equipped with counters and cabinets with plenty of storage. it’s one of the first rooms you see when you come in my front door. I have a lot of supplies to and no real direction. I have found a love of making jewelry and incorporating collage into it. I am thinking i need to reevaluate what I really want to work on and stick to one or two things. Your art is lovely. I love all of your mixed media collages and paper, etc. You’ll figure it out and so will I. Hang in there!

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