The stirrings started last Sunday. I was up uber early and was listening to a radio station in N.Y. The format then switched to gospel music and the radio personality was doing an intro regarding a letter someone sent to him for advice on quitting her job and becoming a professional church musician. He advised her to “just sit still”. Sometimes the message does not get preceded by a bolt of lightening or a dream. Sometimes you have to sit still and just “be”… be in the moment, be in the time. Be in the life. I then went and looked up the passage he referenced for her. Normally, I would have just turned the station, but I was caught up in the moment. I was being still and trying to hear a message that was sounding like it was for me.
I was chatting with someone about my paper collection. It does not bring me happiness like I thought it would. My cards, books and pages never came to fruition and the paper stands, collecting dust. In fact it is a painful and embarrassing reminder about access: which in my case, could surely be called gluttony. No amount of glue, flowers or tools will improve my “game” until I make a decision to step it up and commit to my art. How WIDE is it, how tall is it? Can you put it down with PVC ( just learned that is the Euro term for what we call regular white glue or Elmers 🙂 ) Do I have the “right” scissors, trimmer, paper, paints, brushes…Should I buy a canvas and try that? How can I get Nat Geo’s when shipping is so cost prohibitive?.. ARE THESE REALLY my THING OR SOMEONE ELSE’S?
I want to create, but I have no clear focus. Some people can do jewelry, some photographs and or sew. What do I “do”? My little one always watches Disney or Nick Jr. and right now, they have brought back Little Bill episodes and Little Bill was asking his parents and siblings ” what is my thing” I feel like Little Bill. Hopping from blog to stream to you tube vid. Trying to find “my thing”. I thought that having a lot of “stuff” would give me options and expand my journey. Instead, I think it has thwarted my vision and clouded my judgement. I bought a camera and it just hangs here collecting dust. I have nothing to show or demonstrate. I sometimes feel like a fraud. I called it fear, but it feels like a lack of faith. Faith in my self and my talents; which arguably may or may not be there. I do know that tons of supplies have not made talent materialize. But for now, I am just trying to get the hands to form what the brain has thought of. I dusted off my bind it all and made a journal: Affirmations, Ideas and Plans ( I tried PIA, but laughed too hard at the arrangement 😉 ) I needed to make it because I wanted to feel what it would be like to make it start to finish. I sat for the longest time debating which adhesive to use, which papers…next moment, I was side tracked. I commanded myself to focus. BE HERE AND BE STILL. It was hard, but I did it. Not to prove a point but to learn to redirect my thoughts and begin to think and art creatively. My “thing” will always be different. Some people will not “get it”. It may not hang on a wall or fit in an album, but I can promise you…I. Won’t. Give. Up.
Time to show these hands who is in charge and let the brain know, he has been fired as Creative Director.
it has lined paper for writing, cardstock for drawing, envelopes for stashing and space for being. Also arted with Dar doing a pocket mini. Glued them both together to one book Photos below. W
P is not being nice to me today, lol.