Chaos is just a part of my world.
Everything is subject to change at a moments notice, which is why I write in pencil and make lists. I am fickle.
The lists are pasted into my journal. Doodads and photos I find that I thought were lost. Grocery receipts, tea bag names I want to remember,
wish lists and dates that my tulips opened. It is not pretty. It is not full of beauty or colors. I don’t know if it is acid free or if I fastened it with a tiny tacker
or a Swingline.
* Stuff to remember to do: is right next to the splat of apricot marmalade that I was enjoying while waiting for the kettle to boil.
I asked for sand delivery on Thursday, not Friday. I KNOW because we were supposed to have a “every man for himself” dinner which includes leftovers,
sandwiches and or a one pot side dish; but because the community clean up was on Saturday, I did not want the family to overdose on sodium filled hotdogs that they
serve after the cleanup is finished. I paid too much for my watercolor pencils, wished for Prisma’s I never use and have not drawn one of Dar’s Girls
* There is a note to ask The Hubbs what do Swedes use for moth balls. I have not seen any moth balls since I have been here. (no need to share his obnoxious
reasons about why Swedes don’t have time or inclination to castrate little moths 😛 ). There is note to reread about the beautiful notebooks IHanna made. I made a note
of the date so I could go back and study it and also because I have now added pink, turquoise and brown to my favorite colors. Sweden has that kind of effect on you.
While you know what is going on, available and rushing past you in the speed of life, you can turn it off. I can sit on my deck at 4:00 am with a cup of coffee and read
in the daylight. I may see a fox or a deer go by. I can kick myself for leaving my career for a chance on the unknown that did not pay off almost 10 years ago. OR
I can live this life I have right now. With acid and lignin. Without more doodads. Without fear. But with love and determination.
I press on.